THE JOURNEY
THROUGH GRIEF
GRIEF IS THE MENDING
OF THE BROKEN HEART
Grief, Until one has traveled that road through the Valley of the
Shadow of Death, it is impossible to understand the depths of
the journey. Grief can be as debilitating as a grave physical
illness and can overtake our lives for a time. In its all consuming
form, grief can swallow up in its path our joys, hopes and dreams
and even our will to go on, leaving us a shadow of
who we once were.
While death has taken away our beloved, grief has torn open
our hearts and our eyes bleed with the heart's endless tears.
The heart is seemingly beyond repair and most certainly
beyond recognition. Our heart is simply and utterly broken.
Sadly in our society, Pet Grief is not generally accepted as
a "valid" form of grief and so often people feel ashamed or
embarrassed by the depth of their pain and grieving.
As a Chaplain of Pets, we can assure those suffering the
loss of pets with what has been termed the "Three N's of Grief:"
Grief is NORMAL
Grief is NATURAL
Grief is NECESSARY.
Grief is like a journey down a river. We are suddenly adrift
on a raft of emotions that threatens to capsize as we ride over the
rapids, go over the falls, and steer through the spinning eddies in
whirlpools of thought where we replay over and over the 'coulda,
shouda, wouldas' that might have changed the outcome of our loss.
The river has its moments of calm, and at those times we feel
that we are through the worst, only to have yet more white water
of tears and emotions to go through. It can be a long and difficult
journey. But as much as we try to ignore the grief, it does not ignore
us. We must face it and learn to ride this river. There is no getting
around it. If we do not make the journey consciously, we make
it unconsciously with the raging white water spilling over into our
everyday lives and relationships with others.
When it comes to losing human loved ones, everyone,
including family and friends, colleagues (and even ourselves)
understands that it takes time to heal from grief. We are "allowed"
and are given the courtesy of time and space. But when it comes
to Pet Loss, we usually face a different group of voices all together.
Most of the words from family and friends, though well intended,
are not very supportive after all. These unfeeling responses can
leave us feeling worse than we did before. At worst case, the
mourner will be ridiculed or even laughed at for feeling so deeply
about the death of their beloved pet."Get over it," " You can
always get another one," "It was just a pet." To the one enduring
the pain of grief, those are cruel and harsh words. They leave the
pet-mourner feeling not only desperately alone, but ashamed
and embarrassed. Feeling "silly" or even "stupid" for such
deep grief over "just a pet,"
The all too common responses when we tell someone that
our pet has passed away can be deeply hurtful. Few openly
acknowledge and support our feelings when we tell them our pet
has died. Many express momentary sympathy, and then move on
in the conversation as if we had just said, "My car doesn't run
anymore." There is often no follow-up concern over your loss. No
casseroles arrive at the door and the sympathy cards do not come
in the mail. The overall message comes across that our pet was
not important, that our feelings are not important, that we are foolish
and that our pet (the love of our lives!) is replaceable. None of
these are true and all are hurtful. It feels like society is laughing
at our pain. So many people just end up not sharing it, not telling
people how they really feel, and unfortunately, not reaching
for the support and help from either clinical or clerical that
they so need in their time of loss.
Rev. Sandra Lynn Shaw,
Chaplain of the Pets
If you are mourning the loss of a beloved pet,
please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers
and that there are many resources available to you
through clerical spiritual support as well as clinical support
if it should be needed. You can also find many books,
support groups and other online resources to assist
you during your time of grief.
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